Dealing with feelings when breaking up

It's one thing breaking up and another when your ex has a new girlfriend. Even worse when your ex is also one of your best friends whom you've known and loved almost all your life!

 

I've known him since I was ten. We were classmates. We've been good friends and neighbours since high school. We've tried being together, and although we love each other so much, it always ends in disaster. Last time we broke up was 4.5 months ago. It was hard but a mutual decision. But I can never imagine my life without him. He's my family. I always believe there will be a next time, and this time will be great... We'll have the happy ending... And this keeps me sane...

 

We always stay friends, and we usually keep in touch. But this time, it was different. I could sense there was something not right in our communication... And one day, he tells me, "I'm dating someone!" In the beginning, I was ok. I was cool... But, as the days went by and it started sinking in... I went insane!

 

I spent more than one month thinking about them 24/7. Literally. Going through every feeling and every emotion. Anger, sadness, jealousy, numbness, revenge, longing, love, hurt, acceptance... and then all over again, not in any particular order. Crying a lot... Couldn't function. I wanted it to stop! Tried doing my daily meditation to get some calmness and relief, but it was impossible! Couldn't close my eyes for a second without thinking of them! I felt like a crazy person. Working was the only thing that helped a bit.

 

I couldn't believe that although I'd done so much work on myself, I was feeling this way. My EGO was and still feels so hurt! Sometimes I feel like I want to throw up when I think another woman (who, by the way, I know, like and have nothing against), is staying in a place I feel is, was my home too!

 

But here's what's different. For the first time in my life, while feeling the feelings, I'm also aware of them. I don't try to hide them or avoid them. I accept them. I stay with them and keep noticing as they change. And slowly, there are times I'm ok.

 

I believe this is the next phase of my transformation. I've worked on many things regarding my self-worth, self-esteem, wants, needs and dreams in the last five years, but if I want to be true to myself, relationships were not one I focused on. I'd set other priorities... And, of course, it's coming up now... pushing me to my limits to breakthrough to the other side. I realise it's a necessary process that will bring me closer to my true nature and make me more open to loving myself and any other person fully. To have the fulfilling relationships, I so long for!

 

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Maybe it's a way of helping me let go of the past and be more open to the unknown future.

 

And as I notice and stay with the feelings, something else is starting to happen. Synchronicity. As I feel ready to work on my emotions and relationships, it's like the Universe is helping me. The meditation course I'm taking focuses this month on feelings. On how we can be open and spacious, staying with them without judgement and without taking impulsive action. Waiting to sense from the heart what needs to happen.

 

On the first day, during the meditation, I cried for more than 10 minutes. Not avoiding or burying the pain. Just noticing. And then I felt relieved. Today, while meditating, I was surprisingly calm, almost free of thought at times. But when I got into my car, listening to a song triggered me. I started crying again. In the past, I'd have tried to stop. Hide it. This time I let the tears flow. It is what it is. I was fortunate not to crash into other cars... twice! Maybe I should have pulled over... but I made it.

 

Meditation is pulling out all the bottled feelings I have. It's a catharsis! And in two weeks, I'll also be participating in the Feelings Experience with Essential Oils. This is the second thing that seems to be coming up in my life exactly when I need it. And I'm grateful.

 

I'm watching. I'm feeling. I'm aware. I'm here. And I know that this too shall pass. And on the other side will be ME. A stronger, deeper, more loving me. Open to all possibilities. Aware. Spacious. Experiencing life to the fullest.

 

Whatever feelings you're having... let them be. Confront them. Don't try to suppress or hide them. Staying unexpressed will come back when you least expect them and bite you in the ass. Or they'll continuously create problems without you even knowing.

 

Become aware of your feelings and just notice them. Don't be afraid or judge them. Don't act on them on impulse. Sometimes they're your worse advisors. Be with them, and as time passes, one of two things will happen. They'll either dissipate and eventually disappear, or you'll know what you have to do. But this time, it'll be coming from your heart, your intuition, your deeper self and not your Ego.

 

And remember, nothing lasts forever. You can get passed anything!